Wednesday; February 09, 2005; 7:09PM

This letter is long overdue, even considering the recent events hindering my writing. But I am actually composing this on my computer, typing with both hands, a feat I couldn't have done well even this morning. It's been a good day, then, for my rehabilitation, all the more surprising since I'm coming off two very bad nights of little sleep and much pain. More about that later, when I get to the full narrative of The Story Of My Hand. First, more pressing news.

Michael came home today with the announcement that he was moving out again. He has rented a private apartment in a place called Riverfront, not too far from here. He's moving out Saturday. I was a little shocked that he didn't give me any notice, and I'm very sad he's leaving, but I'm not completely surprised he wants to. He says he wants to live alone and I've noticed he's changed a lot over the last year or so. He's really advanced in his job, he's found a new bunch of friends, and some of his basic interests have changed. For example, he always hated sports before, especially the spectacle (I would even say debauchery in a humorous mood) of UGA football. But since getting Jackson, scion of the holy Ugas, he's changed his tune. Maybe that was his foot in the door and the new friends ushered him along, but now he's a tailgating fool and a loyal fan of the team.

What I think it boils down to is that he's getting older and he feels he needs to make some big changes to get on with his life. For a while he was mad about buying a house and did his best to pursue that, but couldn't swing it yet. So this is a first step for him. Of course, he tried it before, and he was a little disappointed, but he's matured a lot since then. And when I look at this analytically, I can appreciate that he might see me as a link to a past he's grown out of, maybe even an anchor holding him to it. Of course I want the best for him. He's been like a brother to me for 9 years, though I can't believe that much time has passed. A lot of good and bad times, a lot of fights and a lot of fun, and being there for each other through it all. He was a huge help for me, for example, when I was in the hospital. I love him enough to want him to follow his heart, so all I can fault him for at this point is bad timing. And time will tell if our friendship will survive this upheaval.

Then there is the practical matter of what I'm going to do for a living space, none of the options being very attractive. I certainly can't afford this house on my own. And the debacle that was David Cope the last time I had to find a new roommate has left permanent scars in my mind. The risk of that happening again or some other disaster is pretty scary to me. The other option is to move. I could afford either to share another house or get an apartment on my own. I would actually feel safer doing this, but the prospect of moving is horrifying in another way, especially to a packrat like me. Luckily I rented a larger warehouse and have moved a lot more stuff there. But looking around my crazy house, I still have way too much stuff. Plus, I'm actually attached to this crappy little house.

So now is the time to contemplate all these things. Of course, the most rational approach is that I should consider this a wake-up call for my own need to move on. I've been putting off graduate school for far too long. I have seriously been looking at them again and speaking to the doctors I work with to write me letters of recommendation. Maybe a move in Athens would be a good opportunity to whittle away at what I am going to have to leave behind when I do move to another town, if I am accepted into a grad school.

A decision is not urgent. I have enough money saved up to take the time to make the right one. Michael paid me February's rent. I just filed my tax return over the phone, which makes it speedy. And I have a couple more computers to sell. Being out of work at the moment may actually be in my favour. But right now I'm more confused than anything, since there is a lot of emotion involved and not just economics. So I'm going to go to bed early and see what tomorrow brings.

Thursday; February 10, 2005; 4:23PM

This is important enough news to go ahead and send this now, though I was planning a longer letter. I decided to fill up my warehouse while I'm figuring out the housing dilemma. Either way, lessening the clutter around the house will be to my advantage. I just loaded the car with boxes of books and I have a couple of CDs to mail. I'm still selling used CDs over the Internet, which gives me good pocket money.

The other thing I didn't mention yesterday is that Jackson is going with Michael, of course. It might seem like a smaller issue to you, but you know how attached I get to animals. Jackson is a very sweet, beautiful dog. I love him and I'm really going to miss him.

I'll start work on the rest of this letter as soon as possible. Tell everyone hello for me. Hope you are doing well.